I struggle with knowing if it's right to post this. Hopefully there are other women out there who have struggled and succeeded with my current challenges. I've been feeling extremely frustrated the past few days to the point where I feel like I'm going to explode but have no release valve. I've been praying about it and reading the Bible and trying to avoid causing more stress to my husband but I know I'm failing.
My husband has been working crazy hours for weeks now. He works in IT and holds the highest non-management position in his company. He's worked his way up from a lower position and I'm really proud of him. But now that he's knowlegable, he gets assigned all the hard projects and is the first point of escalation for a number of the other employees. This resposibility is good and has resulted in several pay increases but the hours are horrendous. Last week he worked 81 hours.
My husband works from home but it still feels like he's not here. There is no separation of work and personal time. Because of our religious beliefs, he does not work from sundown Friday to sundown Sabbath but works all the rest of the days. He starts working after sundown Sabbath, a number of hours on Sunday, all day every day during the week and most evenings. I can't remember the last time we had a weekend without work, other than one slow weekend around Christmas.
I try to be thankful for his work. I try to be thankful that we are doing well financially. I try to remember that we are blessed to be employed and live in Washington. But I struggle too with the long hours and how he's always busy and how it seems there is no way that he will ever have the energy or desire to possibly have children. When you constantly work 65-75 hours a week, why would having a baby sound like any fun? My heart aches for a child and now that my husband is working so many hours, I often feel alone.
Between turning 30 last fall and not having children and having my husband working constantly, I've been struggling to remain positive. I am grateful. But I'm also feeling like life is passing us by. I don't know what the answer is but I know I need a change of heart. I've been praying for one. Even if the circumstances don't change, I pray that God will change me so that I can deal with the circumstances.