I feel so tortured. Not really, but still... I want a baby. With all my longing and soul I desire to get pregnant and start growing our family.
Before hubby and I married, we discussed children. We decided that we were going to wait at least two years before trying to conceive our first. We wanted time to grow as a couple, get used to marriage, and try to get our finances in order. Near our second anniversary, we started talking again and decided to wait at least another year. Well, our fourth anniversary is in October and we're still not ready to start trying for a baby.
It's not that we don't want children. Hubby knows I do, the more the merrier. Hubby also wants children but wants to be closer to having our debt paid off. $73,000 is a hefty debt chunk to try to pay off on one income while raising children. We started off with almost $95,000 in debt so we're making good progress. According to my calculations, it will still take several (as in five or so) years to pay it all off.
I don't want to wait that long but I'm trying to honor my husband's wishes to wait awhile longer. In the meantime, I fight sadness every month when I have that reminder that we are still waiting. I'm going to be 27 in October and hubby will be 31. I know we're not too old for kids, but how long until we're ready?
As I mentioned at the beginning of my post, I feel tortured. The last couple days have been hard as I've come across babies on the blogs I read, the forums, and even the latest book I've been reading. I've been dreaming every night for the past few nights about our first child. Oddly, in my dreams, it's always a girl.
Oh, well. I will continue to pray that we will know when it's God's will for us to have a baby and I will also continue squeezing money out of our budget to pay off our debt. If only I had realized 8 years ago what I was sacrificing when I took out the car loan, student loans, and applied for my first credit card.